


The Business Man

by the_toadlet



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Business!Phil, I've been watching all of the classic who it's so great, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Tom Baker oml, according to him, dan is a beautiful princess, homeless!dan, i was bored at school, lots of classic who, phil doesn't care, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:30:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_toadlet/pseuds/the_toadlet
Summary: Dan is homeless, and everyday Business!Phil walks past in his fancy suits. The have never talked until one day Phil walks past and farts, and Dan can’t help but laugh.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiiii i was gonna update one of the things I should be updating(cough any one of the like four cough) but this was more fun soo here it is oh god it's such a stupid trope i hate it but i love it DO NOT BRING HOMELESS PEOPLE INTO YOUR HOUSE

Phil always noticed the homeless man. He was rather cute, if a bit greasy, and Phil always dropped a quarter next to him when he walked to work.

 

Dan always noticed the business man. He was stunning in a suit, and he always would drop a coin near him. Nice man.

 

They both noticed when Phil was walking and farted.

 

Dan snorted, loudly, and started giggling. Phil turned a bit pink and kept walking. 

 

Phil would never admit it, but the homeless man's giggle was adorable.

 

\---

 

Phil kept randomly laughing at work, the morning was just what he needed to break the monotonousness of his day job. His boss gave him weird looks when he was dying in the middle of a meeting and trying valiantly not to laugh. 

 

Definitely didn't help his pleas to keep his job.

 

Oh well, if Phil was fired over laughing, it would be worth it.

 

\---

 

Dan was chuckling for a while after Phil left. His face was entertaining, to say in the least. 

 

And honestly very pretty that shade of pink.

 

Dan was homeless for a very simple reason- his homophobic parents kicked him out when they found him snogging a boy. They wouldn't let him explain what bisexuality was, or how he was still attracted to girls, they just opened the door and shoved him out. 

 

The assholes.

 

Phil had seriously helped, actually, the coin giving was his best financial income. He was still hungry, but less so then when he started. 

 

\---

 

Phil didn't see Dan on the way back from the office, but that was okay, he would give him some money in the morning and maybe actually have a conversation. He was just getting his things out of his office the next day, he could be late. 

 

\---

 

Dan wandered down the alley. That was his first mistake. His second was not letting go of his sleeping bag.

 

The fight was fast, and Dan was left dazed in the scant inch of snow on the ground. He closed his eyes. He could wait until morning...

 

Dan woke up freezing. It felt like his ear was bleeding, but he wasn't sure, and all he could think was that it was dark and the world was tipping again.

 

\---

 

Phil wasn't that concerned when Dan wasn't there, he would wait. But Dan was always there...

 

When Dan stumbled out of the alley across the street, Phil was a bit concerned. Especially at the fact there was blood running down his face. Lots of it.

 

" Are you alright?"

 

" What?" Dan squinted. That voice was one of an angel, certainly. A black haired, blue eyed angel who gave him money.

 

" Well, you're bleeding. Quite a bit." Dan reached up to his face- was he really? His hand touched something wet and came away red.

 

" Oh. So I am."

 

" Are you okay?"

 

" I just got in  bit of a scuffle, it's fine."

 

" You look like you're about to fall over."

 

" I think I am. Yeah, hi, I'm Dan, do you happen to have a bandage on you?"

 

" No, but my flat's just down the street, c'mon." Phil reached out and grabbed Dan when he pitched forward. " Hi Dan, I'm Phil, and you're half out of it."

 

" Pretty name.." Dan mumbled before he passed out completely.

 

\---

 

Phil was left with a completely unconscious Dan who was bleeding heavily, and he was more annoyed then surprised at this point.

 

" Could've at least waited until we got to my flat, bloody idiot." Phil muttered, slinging one of Dan's arms over his shoulder. What had this boy been doing, he was absolutely freezing! Dragging a body was hard, and dragging a homeless man who was bleeding down the street was earning him lots of odd glances.

 

\---

 

Dan woke up on a very soft couch, that was a nice thing, the second nice thing was the fact Phil was taking serious care not to disturb him while cleaning blood off his face.

 

" When did we get here?" 

 

" Few minutes, sleeping beauty."

 

" I am a pretty princess, thanks, and where are we?"

 

" My flat. I am making you spend the night because you were about three quarter ways to freezing, and I at least have heating."

 

" I was not!"

 

" You were, now hold still so I can clean this wound."

 

" Ow!" Dan flinched and glared at Phil.

 

" Yeah, sorry." Phil looked slightly guilty but mostly determined. " But it'll get infected otherwise, and that'll hurt a lot more."

 

" Fine."

 

\---

 

 Dan slept really well, Phil lending him clothes and having him sleep on the couch from heaven.

 

Phil apologized repeatedly for how uncomfortable the couch must be, but Dan assured him he had slept on much worse. 

 

That shocked Phil enough to stop apologizing about it. 

 

The next morning, Dan was looking longingly at the classic Doctor Who box sets. Phil noticed.

 

" Do you want to watch that?"

 

" Um.. Yes..." Dan pinked and looked down at his hands.

 

" Let's do it!" Phil bounced. Actually bounced. What a sight. A fully grown man, bouncing over the thought of Doctor Who.

 

" You're hopping."

 

" Yeah."

 

" Okay then." Phil grinned. 

 

" Yup. Pick a doctor, Imma make popcorn." Phil skipped,  _skipped,_ into the kitchen. Dan let his gaze wander through the boxes, settling on one of them. " Oh, Sylvester! Good choice!"

 

" Sylvester?"

 

" Sylvester McCoy. Great actor, Ace is an absolutely smashing companion."

 

" Okay..." Dan plucked the box from the shelf, pulling the first disc out and putting it in the player.

 

\---

 

Dan was way too hooked on classic Who.

 

So much he started screaming when McCoy regenerated.

 

" How dare they! Just as I was getting emotionally attached! No! Bad Robert Holmes!" Phil looked at him in confusion. " No! My children!"

 

" Your... Children?"

 

"My. Childs." Dan turned and hissed at Phil.

 

" Okay then, Golem."

 

" Who?"

 

" Are you telling me you've never seen the Hobbit?"

 

" I've been homeless for a few years, no, I have not seen it." Phil looked shocked.

 

" You're not getting any sleep, we're watching everything I own."

 

" We are?"

 

" Yes."

 

\---

 

Phil was right, Dan didn't get any sleep. The Hobbit, Sherlock, The Imitation Game, Grease, everything. 

 

Phil dozed off at about five in the morning. It was rather adorable how he snored slightly and twitched when the music got dramatic. 

 

Dan did  _not_ want to find him cute. No. 

 

He really was though.

 

" Good morning." Phil woke up curled up on the sofa with a blanket, and Dan glancing reverently at his books.

 

" Oh! You're up."

 

" Appears so." Dan pinked slightly.

 

" Sorry, do you , er..."

 

" Do I what?"

 

" Well, I overstayed my welcome a bit.."

 

" Oh, no, not at all. I still want to get to know the cute man who I saved from freezing." And then Phil fucking winked. Winked.

 

Dan couldn't speak, he was just left blinking as his brain tried to catch up with what was happening. 

 

" I- I," Phil snorted, Dan was completely speechless. 

 

" Has no-one told you you're cute?"

 

" N- not for a long time." Dan glanced back at the bookshelves to avoid Phil's incredulous look. 

 

" Well, that's just sad." Dan tilted his head in acknowledgement. 

 

" I suppose. Do, do you actually think I'm cute?"

 

" Is that so hard to wrap your head around?"

 

" Yes." Phil paused.

 

" Why?"

 

" Because." Dan blinked a few times and turned back to Phil. "Do you have any food?"

 

" Yeah, are you hungry?" Phil responded after a beat.

 

" Definitely."

 

" Okay, do you like waffles?"

 

" Absolutely. Wait, what day is it? Don't you have to go to work or something?"

 

" It's Friday, and I was fired, so don't worry about it."

 

" You were fired?"

 

" I couldn't keep my focus and my boss didn't like me."

 

" Ah."

 

" Yeah, oh well." Phil stood up and stretched before meandering into the kitchen. Dan stood, still glancing through books, before Phil stuck his head out of the kitchen. " Are you gonna help or what?"

 

" You want me to help?"

 

" Ja, you goose. Come on." Dan left the comfort the bookshelf offered and wandering into the kitchen.

 

" Jesus on a Christ boat! How the buggering hell do you get waffle mix on the ceiling?" Phil giggled. 

 

" You underestimate my power of waffling." Dan wiped a bit of mix off the counter.

 

" Your power of waffling?" Phil dipped his hand into the bag and pulled out a pinch of the fine powder.

 

" My power of waffles!" Phil hurled the tiny bit of dust across the room, and Dan squawked and ducked. The fine powder settled, and Dan looked up.

 

" You're on, waffle man!" And so forth started a full on waffle mix fight. Dan ducked and twirled, while Phil apprehended the bag of waffle mix and had excellent fortifications against Dan's attack.  Dan used the tap, flinging drops of water to counter Phil's wall of slowly sinking powder. The floor was slippy with water and waffle mix, and it was becoming more and more treacherous as time went on. And Phil was wearing socks, he was bound to slip, and soon...

 

\---

 

Phil was laughing and he overbalanced a bit much. Dan saw and caught him.

 

Wow, Dan hadn't realised how blue Phil's eyes were until he was holding Phil in his arms above the floor. The falling waffle mix made a snowy background, making Phil's translucent skin and eyes stand out even more.

 

What a beautiful being.

 

" Hi."

 

" Hey."

 

They stood a bit longer, Dan holding Phil above the ground in a dip that would rival one of a dancer.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

And then Dan slipped and dropped Phil. Phil landed with a thump and surprised squeak, and Dan snorted against his will. Phil started laughing as well, and the somewhat romantic moment was broken.

 

" You- you spoon!" Dan managed out between laughs. Phil put his hand up to his mouth to try and muffle his giggles, but it didn't help all that much. They were both sniggly heaps, and there was nothing they could do to stop it. Except maybe the fire alarm going off.

 

" Aw, shit, I left the waffle iron on." Phil pushed himself off the ground and stumbled, and Dan laughed again, Phil's entire back was white with waffle mix. Phil twisted around wildly to see what Dan was laughing at, but couldn't turn his head enough.

 

" You're covered in waffle dust, spork." Phil blushed. Damned cute man.

 

\---

 

Phil got the waffle iron off, and Dan was still on the floor giggling when Phil pulled out a broom and started trying to sweep Dan into the living room.

 

" I'm going, I'm going!" Dan was still chuckling when he was shooed out of the kitchen by a broom weilding Phil.

 

" Don't shake!" Phil called after Dan before going back to sweeping. 

 

" I'm not a dog, Phil!"

 

" You don't know that!" 

 

" I do, you tribble."

 

" I'm not a tribble!"

 

" You don't know that." Dan grinned at the fake-annoyed groan from the kitchen.

 

" Fine, you win."

 

" Thanky wanky."

 

" Dan... No... Why..." Dan laughed, and Phil poked his head out of the kitchen to try and look at him disapprovingly. Try being the key word. " Come and help me clean, fruit bat."

 

\---

 

They were both giggling uproriusly by the time Phil got the waffle mix mess cleaned up. Phil was leaning heavily on the broom, and Dan was slumped against the wall on one of the counters. 

 

" He called you a sideways gary? Really, Phil?"

 

" It's true!" 

 

" I believe you, but sideways gary?"

 

" Yeah!" Phil nodded enthusiastically, his black fringle fluffing everywhere. It was adorble.

 

" You attract all the weird people, apparently." Dan smiled slightly, head lolling back on his neck.

 

" Like you?"

 

" I'm not weird!" Dan's head snapped up from it's position on his shoulder, fake indignation pouring off of him.

 

" Aw, fine." Dan nodded and let his head settle back down to his neck. 

 

" Yup. Now it's sortof your turn, but I'm dying to know. Why are you homeless?"

 

" Homophobic parents."

 

" Ah. You're..."

 

" Very bi." Dan smiled a tight, past-ridden smile, and Phil looked at his attractive friend with a new gaze. His own parents... 

 

" I'm sorry."

 

" Why? It was years ago, and I'm surprisingly happier to be homeless than surrounded by the homophobic hate."

 

" Because your own parents didn't want someone as special as you." Dan blushed at the intense stare.  

 

" M'not special." Dan muttered, the tips of his ears turning a gentle pink.

 

" EVERY SNOWFLAKES DIFFERENT JUST LIKE YOU."

 

" M'not." 

 

" You are special, and adorable, and I already don't like your parents."

 

" Join the club."

 

" I'll send in my application." And just like that, the moment of sightly awkward tension was broken by a childish snort for Dan. 

 

" I'll accept it, I'm the head of it."

 

" I'm glad." The pair just grinned at eachother for a few minutes, any intention of waffles forgotten.

 

Except Dan's stomach decided to remind everyone about it. Dan jumped, covering his belly and turning redder than he still was. Phil laughed. 

 

" Well, as my tum would love to tell you, do you have any food?" 

 

" I have some veg in the frige if you want that?" 

 

" That would be perfect, actually." Phil stood up and cracked his spine strait(as he could be, which was not very), and put the broom away before opening the fridge and shuffling through the drawers. Giving Dan a very nice veiw of Phil's ass.

 

" Ah, here we go!" Phil stood back up and handed Dan a bag of baby carrots.

 

" Oh, thank you!" Dan oened the bag and immediatly stuck about five of the carrots in his mouth. Phil blinked. He hadn't known Dan's mouth could stretch that much. The other things he stretch Dan's mouth with...

 

No. Phil needed to stop that train of thought before it caused a much more noticable problem. 

 

\-- 

 

Dan actually noticed what happened when he put a multitute of carrots in his mouth. Phil got slightly blurry eyed and dazed, swallowing slightly. 

 

Dan wanted to see that look again. 

 

So he stuck more carrots in his mouth and let out an obscene moan. Phil gaped and tried not to stare at him, and then Dan winked.

 

He fucking winked. 

 

" Um... Er.." Phil was at a loss, and Dan swallowed the carrot he was chewing to smile gaudily at him. 

 

" Sorry, I like carrots." 

 

" I..." Dan dropped a carrot into his throat, demonstrating his complete lack of gag relex. Phil's breathing grew denser, and Dan reveled in the fact he could make such a pretty man gasp at him like that. 

 

" Mm." Dan closed his eyes and smiled, pretendin he had no idea of the problem in Phil's pants. 

 

" I..." Dan glanced back at Phil.

 

" Hi." He hadn't practised that tone of voice in a while, but it had the desired affect of sending Phil slightly farther off the brink. 

 

" Uh.." Dan slid off the counter and began walking with a slight sway to his hips out to the living room. Just before he left, he put an hand on the doorway and glanced over his shoulder to smirk at the gaping mess that was Phil.

 

" Coming?" Phil blinked rapidly and tried to gather his wits enough to follow Dan.

 

\---

 

Phil was freaking out internally. Dan was flirting the hell out of him, and he could do nothing but go along with the beautiful man.

 

Dan was laying on the sofa on his side, watching the telly with false focus, a long forgotten episode of Doctor Who playing. 

 

Phil sat tentatively on the edge of the sofa, and Dan looked at him in annoyance.

 

" Come here, sit with me." Phil scooted closer, and Dan lifted his feet to put them on Phil's lap. Phil instinctively put a hand on Dan's boney ankle, and Dan sighed happily. 

 

Phil was dying at this point.  " Hey, calm down, you're really fucking tense." Phil nearly jumped, at the soft sound of Dan's voice.

 

" I'm fine." Phil's voice was only shaking slightly, and Phil counted it as a success. 

 

" Here, let go of my ankle an turn your back towards me."

 

" What? Why?"

 

" I'm going to gie you a back massage, silly." Phil hesitantly let go of Dan's ankle and turned his back, and suddenlt there were  _hands_ and oh god was it wonderful. Phil let out a sigh against his will, and he could feel Dan laugh. His groans grew the more Dan touched and massaged, and Dan was smiling and going over the spots that made Phil moan the loudest and god did Phil love it.

 

Dan was enjoying the delectable sounds he was extracting from Phil. 

 

Phil whined when Dan drew his hands back, and Dan pressed a quick kiss to the nape of Phil's neck before sitting back to watch the episode. Phil turned aroundin surprise, but Dan wasn't doing anything except watching the show with a slight smile. So Phil settled down in the cushions on the other side of the couch, and was only slightly surprised when Dan scooched closer to cuddle him. Phil lifted an arm and wrapped it around the thin shoulders, and only realised after Dan buried his head in Phil's shoulder what he was doing.

 

He didn't regret it.

 

Dan breathed in the smell of Phil, a combination of his aftershave and soap and something distinctly Phil. He could feel the kisses pressed to his hair, and he was so glad that Phil hadn't immediatly kicked him out. 

 

" You're cute." Dan mumbled into Phil's shoulder. 

 

" So're you."

 

" I'm not."

 

" Do you want to move in?"

 

" What?"

 

" Like flatmates."

 

" Mm." Dan leaned up and pressed a hesitant kiss to Phil's lips. Phil didn't respond, and Dan pulled away. " Sorry, I thought-" Phil leaned down and thoroughly snogged Dan. Dan gasped, and Phil used that oppritunity to slide his tounge in, and that was when Dan's train of thought officially halted. 

 

" Or you could be more than a flatmate."

 

" I'll take that option." Dan was still out of breath and thuroughly aroused. He ground upwards, and Phils groans matched his.

 

\---

 

Dan slept like a baby, completely wrapped around Phil and snoring slightly into his chest. They had taken their time  to figure out what made the other tick, and it was well worth it in Phil's opinion.

 

The sight of Dan, sweaty spent and absolutely  _beautiful,_ was still burned deeply in Phil's brain. Even if Dan left now to never look back, that image would be enough to get Phil off for months. 

 

And Phil doubted Dan would leave any time soon, based on the way he clinged. 

 

" Mm, good morning." Dan turned his head upwards kissed Phil's jawline softly. 

 

" Morning, love." Phil tilted his head down to kiss Dan on the lips, smiling into the kiss.

 

" Oh, you're a good kisser. I really hope this is more then a-" Dan kissed Phil again. "one-" Again. "night-" Phil opened his mouth slightly, and Dan sighed into it. " stand." 

 

" Oh, definitely not."

 

" Good."

 

" Now, shall we try to make waffles without a mess this time?"

 

" It won't work, but waffles sound divine." 

 

\---

 

They managed to make waffles without a waffle mix fight this time, but there was a rather lot of giggling and quick kisses and nose booping.  They managed to make actual waffles, and Phil was unprepared for Dan's reaction.

 

" Ooooh my god, Phil, these are beautiful, I need a moment, I might just orgasm from the taste alone." Phil arched an eyebrow.

 

" That's just off the shelf brand mix, just wait until I make some homemade waffles."

 

" Fucking hell Phil, I don't think I could survive that."

 

" Oh, I don't know, it could be a fun activity to do."

 

" Maybe."

 

" I need a job, maybe we could both apply to things?"

 

" Sounds... Fun." Dan mumbled through a mouthful of waffle. 

 

" Uh-huh. Did you go to college?"

 

" Law, dropped out."

 

" Erm..."

 

" I have no ideas." Dan swallowed the rest of his waffle and furrowed his brow. 

 

" Me neither."

 

\---

 

The pair was cuddled against eachother on the couch, looking through open jobs and comparing them.

 

" Dishwasher?"

 

" No. Bank telly?"

 

" Ugh, sounds boring. Graphic designer?"

 

" That actually sounds fun." Phil looked up from his side of the paper to consider the man next to him. "Would you want to do that?"

 

" I'm terrible at graphics, maybe that's what you should do."

 

" Well... Maybe."

 

" Can you do any graphics?"

 

" Probably. Maybe."

 

" That's settled then." Dan glanced down at the ad. " You'll have to send in a logo for this company to this email."

 

" I can do that, what's the company?"

 

" It's some weird animation company that makes a series on youtube. It's called Weildam? Weird name."

 

" That is a weird name."

 

\--- 

 

Phil slaved over that logo for a few days before sending it in.

 

Dan sat on his lap and kissed him as they sent it in, and a few days later, Phil was hired as a novice 'mannkind'. He made some designs, most of them featuring a strange creature named Steven.

 

Dan still didn't have a job, but Phil's job paid fairly well and made him work easy hours(also some very strange ones, including the time he had to work for fifteen minutes at three in the morning) so they made do and fell into a sweet way of life.

 

At some point, the head of Weildam Productions called Phil. They were searching for a voice actor, and Dan, who's sexy voice did a number on Phil's body when he wanted it to, was hired.

 

\---

 

And they lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> ahaha in other news i know who robert holmes is because i watched way too much classic who and he wrote a lot of the episodes so we hate him but we love him hm he is the premoffatiss moffatiss
> 
>  
> 
> ugh fuck it the ending's a bit abrupt for my liking but I FUCKIN PROMISED JUSHUWHALE I WOULD GET IT UPLOADED TONIGHT AND I FUCKIN DID
> 
>  
> 
> ahaha come say hi on tumblr i'm how-does-one-become-cat (oh god how unoriginal can i possibly get)


End file.
